I have no idea what I want, but I just know this may not be it.
How blummin' cryptic can I get?
Mr Seaside asked the question, and after a lot of thought, I do not think that I can answer him.
I have my health, I have a roof that belongs to someone else but it's over my head, I am just keeping the wolves away and keeping my head above water, I have a few extremely good friends in Essex now and I have my freedom.
So what else do I want that would make me happier or feel more like I have a purpose.
Goodness knows, I mean, we all want to win the lottery don't we?
As I cannot answer the question, I am now off on a tangent whether I do actually want/need something more or something else from my life, or whether I am just feeling a bit fed up and maybe, if I am honest, a bit lonely.
I am going to be lonely though as I make no effort to really put myself out there, or really go places with lots of new faces. So I can't really moan or feel fed up about something that I am not prepared to do anything about! I am making efforts to change that, but I am not going out to look for someone, I want to go out to just do and be somewhere different.
I know that I can just think too much sometimes. Maybe this is one of those times.
Maybe it is triggered by news of a dear friend that is ill, the grief of the anniversary of someone huge in my life leaving this world 2 years ago.
I am sure that after this weekend, I will pick myself up and dust myself down and realize that I am just a drama queen and that I am actually one very lucky lady.
I will then come back, this will never have happened and I will blame the humid weather conditions.
